Do you know...

This one you may want to turn away from, you may be better off not knowing, not feeling its intensity, its ugliness. Consider yourself warned...I am a concrete angel; I have been flying to a place where I feel loved, safe, forgotten about, able to go undercover. Do you know me, my experiences...I bet you don't, I bet you have no idea how I evolved into the whirlwind you see in front of you.

Do you know what ugliness I have witnessed; do you know why the train wreck occurred? Do you assume that it is just because I am bold, brave, and fierce? Ah, silly innocence. Let me tell you, I guarantee to rock your world with this one. To open your eyes wide fucking open...you will not view the craziness the same again. Before I open myself to you, before I reveal my inner brutality, I will once again tell you turn away if you cannot handle it...no excuses, want no pity, just want to open this up to the reality of not knowing the person standing right in front of you.

The beauty of your first time, remember it...that did not happen for me. It was stolen; it was taken by an abuser, a piece of garbage that to this day has not said sorry for taking my beauty away. While I was being abused, I would hear my mother's voice telling me that I am the slut, the whore, why do I push his buttons so. I lived watching his existence being valued above mine, he was a star, and I was the whore, the garbage. Fuck you, mom...

I remember sitting at the kitchen table while my family took a vote whether I should remain living amongst them or whether I should be sent away to some faraway place that was guaranteed to hold even more destruction to my soul. Told once again I would not be good enough for this family that embraced nothing but hatred and ugliness.

I wish the abuse was once with one abuser but I had no such luck. I have had evil set up shop in my life and I had no way of removing it. I had to survive, no matter what, if only because I would be fucking damned that they would win, that I would give them what they desired.

So I ask you, did you know? Do you ever really know? The answer is no. We have no idea what is going on in the next room, the next house, the person standing next to us…keep in mind your ignorance when you wish to judge someone. Understand you know nothing except what is in your heart and leave people better than when you entered their world…you may never know the impact you may have on them.