Desire Extraordinary!

To live an extraordinary life is within our power; it lies with the choices made during our journey, the people we share our hearts and souls with, and the people who love us back despite our transgressions. Extraordinary is proven by the grace we demonstrate as we ride the stormy waters. It is in the realization we are our own worst enemy and honored by the ability to get out of our own way.

It is the understanding we must sit quietly to hear the answers we seek. It is contained within our struggles and proven by our triumphs. It is defined by our ability to survive intact, continue to breathe regardless, and to show love more than any other emotion. It is revealed when we decide to uplift others despite being buried with sadness. It is the sacrificing of our sanity so we may heal the heart of another.

It is when you are a source of inspiration...when you provide hope to the hopeless...when you provide light for another in their time of darkness. It is when you choose to tell someone something beautiful expecting nothing in return. It is when you are willing to accept what is offered with a simple thank you and allow that act of kindness to replace bitterness with optimism.

It is in the laughter, the sadness, the craziness--all of the bumps and bruises we endure that make extraordinary possible. It is giving people access to your life without fear, without hesitation, without bias. It is loving your life without the need for edits. It is honored by the steps we take each day to improve our lives and the lives of those around us.

An extraordinary life is created when we choose to forgo competing for the future and begin loving the present. It is having your cup runneth over instead of spilling it intentionally. It is feeding another instead of draining them dry. It lies within our willingness to provide a lifeline to a troubled friend and denying the feeling of shame when asking for it in return. It is accepting when we make mistakes, do all we can to rectify them, and forgive ourselves for simply being human.

Extraordinary stems from imperfections...it is solidified when our flaws are showcased~when we view our scars as indication we will always fight for a more enriched existence. It will envelop us when we embrace humility in lieu of pride. When you say more kind words than hateful ones...when you respect what others are trying to accomplish and provide assistance instead of road blocks, extraordinary begins.

Discover an extraordinary life by demonstrating the ability to use restraint gracefully~~effortlessly. When the power we possess is used sparingly so we never exploit another creature, becoming exceptional is on the horizon. It is understanding the power words have and cautiously choosing how we package our opinions so we may never damage someone to their core.

Living extraordinary begins when we show unconditional respect and love for all living things...to honor each organism's worth--where we stop feeling entitled and begin feeling blessed. When we can provide solace from hatred--when we become the source of beauty in this world; when we decide the act of offering a helping hand is worth the risk of getting that hand bit that we open our life to the possibility of extraordinary.

We do not have to agree...however, we share this world and that entitles each one of us to hope, desire, and dream of healthier tomorrows. Though I will not speak for anyone but myself, I assure you that if we all strive to make our lives more fulfilled, more joyous, more extraordinary, every living thing can partake in the amazing beauty that may be created.

Dare to live the life you desire...Dare to be extraordinary...Desire extraordinary!!

Let me color your world...

Breathe life into my heart...change my perspective, change my course and make me fall into you for a lifetime. Do you understand what I offer--do you know that all I ever wanted to was to love you--to be loved by you? Fall into me--while I look into your eyes know that my heart is safe--trustworthy--honorable; full of beautiful color. I will protect you until my last breath, I will enrich your life, and I will share an amazing journey with you. If given the chance, I will mend what is broken, I will redefine your idea of beauty. If you allow me, I will be your protector, your warrior when the fight in you is no longer strong. I will be as gentle as a butterfly, I will be the light when darkness surrounds you. I will give to you a life full of color~~a life others crave. Let me paint your world with vibrant love--with a beauty that makes all else pale in comparison.

Reveal to me your heart--open your spirit and I will love you eternally...passionately. I will help create a life that showers you in color. Fall into me, my love--be confident that I can give you all that you need and desire. Show me unwavering loyalty and in return I will give you nothing but an honest heart and devoted soul. My goal is not be to conquer your heart...not to win at all costs--my goal is to enrich your life--to present an alternative to living in a black and white world. Let me show you what true love can be...let me redefine what life should look like...allow me to teach you how to trust, how to love, how to open your heart to all the colors in the rainbow.

Holding back is detrimental to everything you are--open your eyes and jump. I will share my path~~my life with you alone--take my hand; feel its strength. Let go of your preconceived notions--send your demons away and I will wrap you in my arms~~enveloping your soul with greens, blues, pinks, yellows, oranges. Let me breathe intensity into you. Allow my heart to paint your path beautiful and I will forever prove that love can sustain you--can feed your entire being with gorgeous color. Let me shower your world with every hue nature created. Allow your eyes to see this amazing beauty--look through the kaleidoscope and breathe, my love--take a deep breath and allow yourself to fall into a gorgeous existence.

Witching Hour

Are you full of regret? Do you wish you could have a
do-over? Can you look at yourself and not be ashamed of the choices you have made? If asked whether you have made a positive impact on this world, what would the truthful answer be? Do these questions make you uncomfortable--feel like vomiting?? Do you avoid looking at your life at all costs for fear you may not like what you discover?

Ladies and gentlemen...it's time. It is time to look at these questions and get them answered honestly within your heart. The choices we make impact not just ourselves but all of those who we encounter on our journey. We have paved our road with bullshit...we continue to pray that our deceit will not be discovered and yet it takes a skilled liar to hide the truth from themselves. I can almost guarantee that not one of us is that talented...the truth lies on our hearts and takes over our spirit--eventually.

Each of us has a Witching Hour...that hour every day that we cannot hide from the truth...the hour in which we can no longer spoon-feed ourselves justifications for the poor choices we have made and the realization of how damaging we have been envelopes our soul. Where acceptance from all of the ugly we have created in the lives of others is brutally apparent and understanding we must get real slaps us with verocity.

Your Witching Hour will continue to present itself every day until you begin to make choices to improve the lives of those around you, until you understand and respect the power you have to damage another, until you grasp the concept that your responsibility in this life is to create a loving, safe, and nurturing world.

Facing yourself~~your soul~~your Witching Hour is uncomfortable, painful, and ugly but oh so necessary. Try to avoid it and it will lie waiting for you to slow down enough so it may hit you with such intensity you are left gasping for air. Understanding that our demons will visit us daily, we must be cognizant that they refuse to be ignored for too long. We must decide to live with beauty, grace, and respect. We must face our demons, our mistakes, our hurtful transgressions in order to achieve peace and harmony within our spirit. We must begin to make amends for the abuse we have hurled at others and make choices that will not fill our hearts with shame and embarrassment.

My soul is mine to keep safe...your soul is not my possession and therefore, I have no right to damage it as if it were my own. Protecting your heart and soul is not adequate reason enough to hurt others. You get no pass from your Witching Hour by justifying your hurtfulness. You always have a choice...always have options and make no mistake, the choices are always given to you upfront. It is our ignorance, it is our willingness to listen to the easy choice and to silent those choices that best serve our integrity that we find so embraceable. We silence the hard choices with justifications and we stop honoring our ideals because it is simply easier. It takes less work to chose ugly...it comes naturally. Yet, as we all know, it is only easier at the time...because our Witching Hour quickly approaches and our selfish-lazy decisions will come for a visit; shining light on our inadequacies.

Prepare for your Witching Hour by slowing down as you are presented life-choices. Honor your integrity by choosing love, honesty, and beauty above everything. Stop ignoring how your choices impact the world around you and believe that with this understanding you can develop everlasting devotion to making this world better; to making you better. Dedicate yourself to improving the lives of others~~make a choice to never, ever allow past hurts to guide you and help create an amazing journey for us to revel in.

Face your Witching Hour each day knowing that you have created joy. Have an open and honest discussion with your demons, apologize for your brutality, and begin to live better, healthier, and happier. Love should be the only emotion allowed to guide us...fear, skepticism, jealousy must have no place in the decision-making process and we must never give those emotions more energy than our desire for beautiful love. Become better at the human part of life...put yourself out there; show your flaws, appreciate the amazing world that surrounds you and become a fucking rock star. You deserve that...you need to fight for that and decide that you will chose humanity over brutality each and every time.

Breathing...come to me, my Witching Hour, I have new rules that must be addressed for today I chose to be guided by love instead of ruled by fear.

Friend or Foe...

Decide right now...stop fucking around with me and make a decision. Who are you to me, define it, put a name on it, and honor your decision. Are you my friend or my enemy? Do you set out to lift me up or knock me down? Why do you feel justified treating me with hatred, abuse, and disdain one moment and then shower me with praise, adoration, and love the next?

If you are under the opinion that I will continue to allow such abuse, you are delusional. If you think that I will not fight back, think again. Continuing to act as though I am unworthy is futile. It is within my power to stop this madness. I am the Gate-Keeper...I get to chose what is allowed into my world. I am emboldened to be an advocate for my sanity...I am empowered to fight evil from settling down deep within my soul...I will grasp beauty rather than discard it. I will trade serenity in exchange for the poison hurled at my soul day in and day out.

Welcome~~This is my daily struggle between my brain and soul. Every day, I must remain in the fight between these entities. My soul tells my brain--you will no longer slay me with your torturous words. My brain laughs and thinks to itself..."We'll see"!

I never know which will be victorious...I cannot turn my brain off when it is full of abuse, ugly, and destructive tendencies. My brain wishes me to think I am unworthy; that I am nothing more than a joke to the world; that I deserve nothing but contempt from others. I thank the heavens that my soul is just as loud--just as bold... I can hear my soul screaming, "I am NOT listening!!", to all of the doubt my brain assaults me with.

My soul, which embodies fierceness, which reminds me that I am beautiful, which will fight to the death to keep me above water, continues to battle my brain's negativity with the deftness of a skilled warrior. My brain, however, is coiled like a rattlesnake, poised to attack whenever my soul may be wounded, healing, or full of fear. My brain will continue to send reminders of the insecurities I possess...it will remind my soul of all the regrets, broken hearts, and tragedies I have experienced throughout my lifetime. My brain breathes deeply because as these reminders are served my soul shrinks--fearful . My brain becomes powerful with anger and feeds off the fear encapsulated in my soul--becoming ferocious.

Do we not all have these struggles...always thinking that we are not good enough, not worthy of amazingness? Do we not beat the shit out of ourselves daily--never allowing credit for the great things we do to sit for very long on our brains? We gravitate towards destruction when given the choice and we will find anyway possible to discount positive opinions about who we are, what we are, and how we are.

For today, I make the choice to become my own friend. I will fight forever to quiet the doubts my brain so willingly accepts and enjoy the person I am...if only for today. Tomorrow the battle will begin again but just for this moment in time, I will allow the realization that I am a fucking rock star to envelope my entire being. I will chose to love myself, flaws and all. I will embrace my imperfections and know that without them, I would not have arrived here...and where I am right now is exactly where I need to be.

Be my friend, my special needs brain...do not make me wish to destroy you---let's become a team~a force of determination to embrace who we have become, enjoy our life, and be grateful for all that we are. I look forward to the day when my entire spirit works in unison~~For that beautiful day, I will become unstoppable.

Remember When?

Take a vacation from yourself, your issues, your fuck-ups...you know, D...all of the above--leave it all behind and just breathe. Like a day at the beach, breathing, playing, and forgetting momentarily that your life is a mess~~a mess you have done a fantastic job in creating.

Do you remember what you thought life would be like when you were young? Do you remember thinking, "I will be a liar, a cheat, a game player, a judgemental fool?" No, we all had high aspirations on how our lives would develop and how noble we would be. What happened? Where did we lose track of of ourselves--what happened to our determination that our life was going to mean something?


I know how the game is played. With all I do in life, I can be an amazing game player...my choice, however, is to leave the game playing to people who have nothing substantial to fill their time with. I desire honesty, integrity, intensity, and will accept nothing less. It is exhausting that with every encounter I have to dodge bullshit, lies, and deception.

So, let's agree~~Let's take a vacation...let's stop all the lies, the drama, and agree to give it all a rest. Take a deep breath, enjoy your life, stop being jealous of others, quit judging what you do not understand and take a vacation from yourself. Learn to laugh again, learn to love again without bitterness or trepidation, learn to be a better man or woman, learn to enjoy who you are, and fall into a life you can revel in. Stop being concerned what everyone else is doing and start being concerned with who you are, who you have become, and how to make the necessary changes to become that person you envisioned not so long ago.

Snow White

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...please help me when I fall. I am falling now, at this moment and I am scared to death to begin this journey. The stakes are way higher this time...there is way too much to lose, too much that can be damaged. I am paralyzed with an out-of-character fear that has taken me off my game and has made me timid. I am unfamiliar with this person who stares back at me from deep within--my footing is unsure, slipping.

Ultimately, the question I must ask and answer for myself is, "Can you fall boldly without over thinking, without sabotaging things? Can you allow yourself to fall into something amazing without self-destructing? Looking in the mirror, I ask myself these questions and my answer... "Yes, I so fucking hope so!!"

Jesie, don't screw this up with your broken-down spirit. Allow yourself time to fall into this man, who has shown unwavering patience and undeniable support. Appreciate all that has been offered to you and enjoy feeling protected, safe, loved. None of your little helpers can come save you from yourself this time, my love. You must remain dedicated to creating a life that you have desired for a lifetime. Give to this man all of you...show him every single part of your soul and just this once you may discover amazing love.

I am not Snow White...I have no magic mirror...I do not have seven helpers to save me from falling and unfortunately, the Wicked Witch lives within my brain. She will continue to convince me to eat the poisonous apple with each beautiful moment I encounter. The battle over my worth, over my deservingness of love continues....with a sure hand, I will pull my sword and I will prepare to battle the demons within my heart put there by people that wanted nothing more than to destroy my spirit.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, please allow me to fall...with amazing grace and a smile within my heart. Please provide light so I may see clearly the journey I am beginning...please quiet my fears and help me open my heart for what good things are offered to me.

My friend, my beautiful friend

Mon ami...you asked me to write something for you. Anything you ask of me I will give to you freely, without anything required in return except that you listen to my words...feel them within your broken down spirit and let my love wash over you; to build a fortress to protect the beautiful woman you have always been.

Never allow your thunder to be stolen...Never allow someone unworthy to break you down. You are amazing...you give until you have nothing left and we should all be lucky to call you a friend. Hold strong to your spirit and honor your heart...let go of the ugly bullshit that someone wants to bring into your life. Never, ever allow another to destroy your giving soul.

Do you know what you have done for me...everything. You have created a safe place where I can question my life, break down, cry, scream, laugh and know that someone in this world loves me that isn't "required" to. Forever and a day we will be friends, we will share something not one person may understand but will want for themselves.

Although you may think you have not one ounce of fight left in you, I promise, you do. If you cannot defend yourself, I will fight til the death, my death, in order for you to press on. I will breathe life into your broken body, and will provide you nourishment. I will help you see just how fucking beautiful you are. Never ever doubt just what this friend will do in order to put a smile on your face.

Hang in there, my love...I am but a phone call away. Now, listen to my words...you cannot take some of what I say as truth and then justify my words away about how fabulous you are.

Breathe my broken friend...this too will pass and amazing things are right on the horizon.

Crashing Silently

When love is new anything seems possible. You feel renewed, excited, reborn. You wake each day excited to be with the one person you crave and end each day fighting sleep afraid that you will miss an opportunity to love them one more time this day.

You are screaming with every fiber...I am in love with you, hoping they hear you without having to sacrifice the security that silence seems to bring. Too afraid to allow those words to escape your lips, never jeopardizing your position of nonchalance. Does he know...can he feel that the protective cover on my heart has been removed? Does he understand that as I open myself to the possibility of love he has the power to inflict irreversible damage? If he does know this...if he understands this power I so willing offer him, will he use it to hurt me?

I didn't want to need him...I did not want to ache to feel his arms embrace me...I did not expect to go any deeper than skin deep yet he took me by surprise. Every day, with every caring action, each time he shows compassion, each time he goes outside of his own comfort zone to make me peaceful, I fall a bit farther into him. I am not sure I trust him and I absolutely know I do not trust myself. I suck at relationships and if there is to be an exception to this, I dearly hope this is the time.

I have not said a word about loving him. I have not whispered those three words in his ear no matter how I wish to. I do love him but I want to be in love with him as well and on this point, I am unsure. Love has brutalized me, has made me leary of every emotion felt or shown by another. It seems as though I have a recording of all the tragedies I have encountered due to someone "loving" me and it plays like a warning...it serves as a reminder that I should not trust my judgment or how one may think they feel for me.

I am an easy person to love...initially. When the honeymoon is over, it becomes close to impossible to continue to love me. Love's sustainability is always a question--loving me for any length of time becomes exhausting, turbulent, and ultimately sacrificed for a more sane existance.

As I wait for him to come home to me I know that I am in love with a man that has a quiet beauty about him. He has been destroyed by people, hurt beyond recognition but he has emerged from the pain and has opened his life to me. I wait, still scared, still holding back, but I know that all I wish to do at this very moment in time is to crash into his heart and stay there...safe, secure, loved. Crashing...softly, beautifully, silently.

K*W*L

During my classes, I have learned how to use graphic organizers. One that I like is the K*W*L—It stands for What do you know…What do you want to learn…What have you learned? I think you can apply this to many situations…like friendships.

By no means am I a stupid woman however it seems to me that I continue down paths that have burned me in the past yet I continue to move right towards the same fucking situation…obviously not learning from my mistakes, not making the necessary adjustments in order to avoid the same disappointing bullshit. Damn special that is…now do I need to evaluate why it is I keep putting myself out there or should I evaluate why people wish to hurt others rather than heal them?

What I know...

For the most part, people suck. They cannot be a friend to themselves much less to another person. Women, especially, suck at being friends. Our brains and hearts are hindered by the emotional wrecks we have become...mainly as a result of other women. Instead of hanging tough, being strong for one another we set out with good intentions only to allow our small little brains to overthink, underestimate, and throw away people that might be good for us. Let's continue this trend...let's not think about how we are alone or lonily because of our stupid selfish assess...no, that would then mean we might have to do something to correct our flaws.

Women are competitors however when they have met their match or if they come up against an opponent that may just kick their stupid behinds, they have a meltdown and will try to beat everyone to the punch and destroy a perfectly good relationship out of fear and mistrust. Maybe we all need to look deep within our spirits and find out why we do not trust others...could it be that you, yourself, cannot be trusted and if you had to chose to be your own friend you would run as fast as you can in the opposite direction??

What I need to learn?

I must stay strong in my resolve that there is not a damn thing wrong with me and that people who screw me over are the ones flawed. I need to learn that becoming jaded is not the answer. That being mistrustful, bitter, and angry only makes me feel like crap. So, instead of becoming something I despise, I will be more cautious. I will pay attention to my inner voice telling me not to trust a mother fucker that deserves to be left on the sidelines. I cannot save people, I cannot ask from them more than they are capable of giving and if it is not up to my standards, then I can walk away...swiftly and not look back.

What I have learned...

I've learned that it takes action in order to have your life mean something. Sitting on the sidelines has never been a route I admire or embrace and I refuse to begin that shit now. I bring an intensity to every action, every embrace, every single emotion and I'm good with this behavior continuing.

People will attempt to change me, they will attempt to bring me down a notch or two and I say to them...Let me know how this works out for you...tell me when you have reached success. If you don't enjoy who I am with no needed or necessary adjustments, then leave me be...walk away silently, without causing harm.

I've learned that I adore who I am...I laugh and enjoy the crazy and have had a life most would dream of. Yup, full of turmoil, absolutely but it has also been filled with amazing memories that blow me out of the water when I remember. I will jump off buildings, I will swim with aligators, I will drive my Harley way too fast and go down in flames...all in the pursuit of living my life as I chose. And that's it...my life...my choices...no need for critiques or comments from people way too afraid to live a life they love. Leave your comments at the door, allow love to fill your heart, and become a friend to yourself. With honesty, integrity, and an unwaivering passion...you will then begin to understand just how amazing friendships can be.

Take a ride with me...

It’s that time again…to take stock in what is important, what is trivial, what is worth fighting for, what needs purging. This is for my continued sanity—for the health of my brain, heart and soul; it’s time to throw some shit out.

Since last August I have been running towards things, running away from others, and I find that I am exhausted beyond reason. I am tired of running but I do understand that I am not exactly sure just how to stop. How does someone learn to just sit and breathe? Not sure I will ever be that type of person and to be honest, I am not exactly sure if I wish to become that type of individual.

Friends and family are worried that I do not take care of myself. This concerns me as well but I am so afraid that when I stop to take care of myself that I will cease to exist. I procrastinate, I avoid, and ultimately I survive the only way I know how. My insanity, my not sleeping, my all-over-the-place brain has served me well and honestly, why change now? Why stop doing what works for me? Why not appreciate my entire being…the madness along with the beauty… because it’s not going anywhere.

I crash and burn but I am a phoenix…it is what I need to do in order to renew my resolve that nothing or no one will ever destroy me. People will continue to try and they will fail because I will never allow someone that deep that they may have the possibility to damage me beyond repair. Nope, never again. I love deeply~absolutely. I never will lose control of my heart, my soul, my spirit. I reel it in, continuing to take inventory with every breath. Heart—check. Soul--check. Spirit--check. When all is intact and safe I can breathe and then power on.

You cannot enjoy me, who I am one minute then wish to change the very trait that makes you love me in the first place. Just because you may have had a change of heart, just because yoy may not be in the mood for my madness right now. Fuck that…love me now, for what I am and for what I am not and enjoy the amazing ride because no one, not one person will make you feel every single emotion in your heart quite like I do. I will make you smile, I will make you crazy, I will frustrate you, I will make you want to sing, I will make you want to punch something, I will make you wish to take care of me, to mother me, to kill me...I will take you on an emotional journey…

And guess what??

Maybe that is exactly what the fuck you need? To live, to be alive, to feel alive—isn’t that what we should be striving for without the need of reminders?? One will never know how I enrich your life if you keep trying to change me...if you refuse to jump, if you are determined to try and change the person I am you may lose the opportunity to have the one person in this world that will never judge you, never cause your harm, never break your spirit and respect your heart forever. Enjoy the ride, my darlings, if nothing else, you will never ever be bored—this is my promise to you which I will honor til death!! Take the ride with me...witness, enjoy, shake your head but enjoy...it's going to be simply bitchin'.