Re-defining "Every Child"

At first glance, my immediate answer to the question concerning every student achieving factual knowledge and higher-order thinking skills would be a resounding yes. In a way, the politically correct answer in regards to every student achieving both is a complete disservice to the educative process for children and minimizes many factors that lie deep within each child. If we are building our answer to this question with our learning about moral imperative than we should believe that every child can learn and should be taught to their fullest potential. (Fullan, 2003) What I find troubling is the sweeping notion concerning the definition of learning being full of personal bias of what these concepts should look like. The key to answering these questions for myself is the phrase every child. Learning and demonstration of these skills are as diverse as each student an educator encounters. I agree that each child needs both memorization and critical-thinking skills however the very definition of these items must be put into perspective. Education cannot embrace a one-size-fits-all conceptual framework that values individualism. These concepts are at arms with one another. Strategies and teaching methods being discussed have a foundation built from special education frameworks. Small group instruction, differentiation of materials, lessons and assessments, student motivation, technology in the classroom have been commonplace within the special education field. With this being said, the success of my students in a self-contained classroom will look quite different than the class next door. Teaching rote memorization has its place within education. (Snider, 2011) Knowing factual data assists the construction of critical-thinking skills, however one must remain cognizant of each student’s ability to retain and recall basic skills. Strategic learning becomes more focused for children with challenges and accommodating for these challenges is mandatory if that child is to succeed. Of course, my definition of success may not look the same to another teacher. Teaching basic skills for exceptional children may not be math facts or sight words, it may be mundane tasks we take for granted such as, knowing your address or phone number. It may be teaching them how to identify road signs or how to read a bus schedule. It could be about basic hygiene or pacing themselves during a meal and providing them strategies to live in the world as independently as they can. Ultimately, we must first define our conceptualization of every child. If we are to honor this notion, we must also begin to redefine our understanding of academic success based on each child’s needs and abilities. My goal is to teach my students skills necessary to live in the least-restrictive environment as they exit the educational system. Their success may be quite different than the norm but incorporating a moral imperative that values every child must include every child. My journey may be different thus leaving me with a very different perspective, understanding and motivation. But as my journey is unique, so is the journey of every child entrusted to me to provide them an individualistic approach to learning. I think these questions run deeper than a surface-level, politically correct answer. If we truly honor an individualistic approach to learning, then we must begin by excluding no child, regardless of ethnicity, language status, disability or other demographical label in our conceptualization of moral imperative. Acknowledging personal bias and remediating how they impact our teaching and leadership must remain on our daily to-do list to ensure all children receive from education what is valuable to their needs. References: Fullan, M. (2003). The Moral Imperative of School Leadership. Thousand Oaks: Ontario Principlas Counsil & Corwin Press, Inc. Snider, J. (2011, February 3). The Blog, Rote Memorization: Overrated or Underrated? . Retrieved from Huff Post: Education: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/justin-snider/rote-memorization-testing_b_817170.html

Footprints in the Snow

It seems like I have lived so many lives that I no longer know who the fuck I am. I have recreated myself so many times that I do not recognize the person starring back at me from the mirror on the wall. There are parts, hints of the past lives but they are almost completely abilerated.

Into a dust that so easily blows away and all traces are lost for a lifetime.

What seems to remain is just the feeling that I must be cautious--that trust should no longer be given. That my belief that this too will end in tragedy and heartbreak must remain in the forefront of every thought; of every action.

God I am so tired of having to always play defense. Tell me, finally, all that you hold back-- maybe, just maybe, my heart will finally stop shivering. My love, my heart, my soul can show you amazing, intense beauty--yet you must allow them to. They can envelope you in a love so powerful, so beautiful, kind, and soft. A love that you have only seen in your dreams, if only you allow me to. Reality, however, is quite different. Though I do not follow by nature, I will follow your lead--in this endeavor, alone, I will follow. I will walk in the footsteps already created in the snow to make my journey easier even though we know it will be less fulfilling; even though it goes against everything I am. Running through fresh snow with abandon, creating my own path, making my own footprints in the snow seems like an impossible dream. My feelings never completely open, covered in a layer of protection, I know I do not trust you with my heart. You have answered my questions without speaking a word. You have silenced my desire to create a love affair to surpass lifetimes with you. I do know you...I do know your heart and it is understood what limits you hold yourself to. Do not cheat me out of having passion, for having great love, for seeing in someone's eyes that no other holds a candle. You may covet your heart, you may not destroy mine. I will arrive second to none...I will allow little disregard for my heart....I will find another to treasure what you do not understand. I will continue to search for the person who is willing to help create footprints in the snow together and love boldly, bravely, and honestly.

Take a Vacation

If I began a list of all the things I have done to get here, right here, right now, in this place, I think I would go mad. So many poor decisions, insane actions, and thoughtless disregard to my entire well-being that I should not be allowed to take another unsupervised breath. Of course, one always needs to be cautious when wishing for things...you know the whole adage, "Be careful what you wish for". Yeah, I do not wish for someone to smother me into boredom or irritate me to the point of murder but it always sounds appealing to have someone just take over for a moment. Take a vacation from yourself, your issues, your fuck-ups...you know, D...all of the above--leave it all behind and just breathe. Like a day at the beach, breathing, playing, and forgetting for awhile that your life is a mess~~a mess you have done a fantastic job in creating. I know how the game is played. With all I do in life, I can be an amazing game player...my choice, however, is to leave the game-playing to people who have no other substantial shit to fill their days. I desire honesty, integrity, intensity, and will accept nothing less. It is exhausting that with every encounter, I must dodge bullshit, lies, and deception. Let's take a vacation...let's stop all the lies, the drama, and agree to give it all a rest. Take a deep breath, enjoy your life, stop being jealous of others, quit judging what you do not understand and take a vacation from yourself. Learn to laugh again, learn to love again without bitterness or trepidation, learn to be a better man or woman, learn to enjoy who you are, and fall into a life you can revel in. Stop being concerned what everyone else is doing and start being concerned with who you are, who you have become, and how to make the necessary changes to create that person you envisioned so long ago.

When exploring my cultural diversity it seems the natural progression would be to start from the beginning; my childhood’s cultural environment. Questioning what your cultural norms were growing up, understanding what influences they had on the person you are in the present, should serve as a guide in gaining perspectives otherwise lost or clouded in assumptions. With this being said, evaluating how my family culture helped craft the person I am or how these “norms” influenced my adult-life has been an ongoing process. If this analysis is to provide insight on what I have become culturally, than building the necessary background for the reader is required.
The house of cards I grew up in was built on pretense, abuse, and hate. Similar to a dog fighting pit, my parents created brutal competitions for me and my siblings to participate in so we may prove ourselves worthy of their affection. I do not remember one holiday without it being corrupted by my mother’s mental illness or my father’s indifference. I do, however, remember my oath to pave a very different path when I was grown. As a child, I gravitated towards families very different than mine and drafted a vision of what family culture should look like. I began distancing myself from my family norms in high school and refused to embrace any of the traditions my parents held sacred.
Abuse was my cultural environment as an adolescent. Hatred towards my family traditions was the backbone of every family event. The lessons of survival were more prevalent and more valuable than honoring the facade created by my family’s need to remain in high stature. Relationships were built on lies and deceit. Being abused by a sibling, being demonized by my mother, being blamed for the carnage by my father help create the person I have become and the norms I feel are worth honoring. The single item from my childhood culture that I fully embrace is being crafty enough to survive any obstacle.
Never wanting to embrace tradition, I have lived far removed from any typical standard. I do not have a pre-determined guideline for every holiday so as it develops is how it is experienced. I do not make the foods that I grew up experiencing because none are attached with the nostalgic romanticism most people are driven by.
I have crafted my own cultural norms as an adult and they are under constant supervision and evaluation in order to remain faithful to the oath I made in my youth. I believe strongly in loyalty and support. I refuse to have people in my life that do not support the person I am and love me in spite of my flaws. I celebrate Christmas but it is completely unrecognizable from the ones I survived as a child. Holidays do not hold magical notions within my home. I enjoy celebrating holidays that bring people together without much effort, such as Memorial Day and the Fourth of July. Each year is different, there are no prescribed foods that must on the menu, and if one year I decide to forgo celebrating a particular holiday there is no crushing disappointment felt.
Since being late to any event makes my entire person stressed, I have made it a point to arrive to any function with time to spare. I am extremely organized and am constantly making To-Do lists. I am driven to accomplish each task on my list and to perform each flawlessly. I do not make excuses for the things I have not excelled at and will take ownership willingly of the parts of my life that others find abrasive.
I am detached from material possessions since that attachment might be used as leverage in the future to harm or break me. I am hard-working and have a strong work ethic. I think that if you work hard, taking vacations should be part of the reward. Although financially unable to experience many vacations, I do strive to change this in the future. It is not a person’s status or occupation that I hold in high regard, rather it is their character and moral conduct that is valued above all else. I believe that respect must be earned regardless of your position, age, or title.
Religion is not an important theme within my culture. Living an alternative lifestyle for many years solidified the distance I felt for organized religion on any level. I do not believe that gender plays a significant role in determining how household chores are assigned; if there is work to be done everyone within that residence needs to take ownership. I am willing to work within my community and believe in social ethics. I do not subscribe to any societal norms and will not allow the rules of society to govern how I need to be. For almost four years, I found myself homeless according to the legal definition. I understand the damage living in poverty entails and what lengths a person might be driven to take in order to feed their families. There is no judgment within my heart and I refuse to make assumptions about any other individual because opinion without knowledge is simply ignorant.
I enjoy a quiet home full of warmth. I do not treasure the building in which I reside but do value the serenity that the living entities bring to my life. I have a strong moral compass and that is what drives my cultural norms. I believe in honoring people, their differences, their similarities and their right to be whoever they wish to be. I work hard to bring to light others’ prejudices and demonstrate how to mean the words, “I don’t judge” by example.
For my entire life I have had people make some wild assumptions about who I am as a person. They have been completely uneducated on the subject but yet felt confident that they had me pegged correctly. I have suffered many blows by people’s judgments and have first-hand knowledge on how destructive assumptions can be. Each person is entitled to their opinions however until they actually educate themselves in the areas they feel so passionately about, they should remain diligent in their pursuit of recognizing their own biases and remain silent.

All on your own

Time to listen! Time to open your minds just a bit, listen to my words and know to whom I speak.

My entire life--for my entire existence, I have racked up a large list of haters. People that crucify me because of some bullshit that they cannot really understand or define. Please allow me to help you make some connections, to provide some definition of why I elicit strong emotions from people who are not worthy of my respect, my love, my compassion. Sit up straight, open your minds, and know within your heart that I am really not the problem...I just help shine the light on your own inadequacies.

Every single thing I do in my life is done with an intensity that most find discomforting. I do not hide my emotions, my discontent, my passion and I never, ever apologize for the person I am...if this bothers you, line the fuck up. I do the work it takes to succeed in every endeavor I associate myself with. I do not make excuses for my screw-ups; I own my mistakes, apologize for my transgressions, and attempt to become a better human being with every breath. I do not care if you cannot accept your shortcomings--it is a disgrace that I become the target simply because you choose to be ignorant about the tortured person you have allowed yourself to be. I do not ask for acceptance; I do not care to be tolerated; and I can not be bothered with attempts in fitting in your closed-off world.

If my expectations are higher than you are willing to achieve, that is not my problem. If I set the standard higher than you are able to obtain, again, not my problem. Don't like who you are, please let me reiterate, not my problem.

I work damn hard--when there is a task before me, I will do the work in order to perform exceptionally. I do not rely on others to do the work for me. My passion is off-putting to most--add that to the list of crosses I bare. But please ask yourself why my performance bothers you so. Ask why my hard work and knowledge is a source of discomfort for you. Since you may be unwilling to figure this out for yourself, please allow me assist you.

It bothers you...or should I say, I bother you because I am a reminder that what you want and what you are willing to do in order to achieve it does not equate. When you compare your substance as a person to my dedication to living my life my way, you become disheartened. However, let's not get this twisted...you are not angry at me--you are disappointed in your lack of substance, your lack of passion, your lack of motivation, you lack of commitment to becoming the person you so desire to be.

Stop looking for someone to blame for your unfulfilled life...stop pointing to another in order to deflect the truth concerning your unwillingness to fight for a life that makes you radiate warm. Begin looking in the mirror...sit there awhile and see yourself as you truly are--admit what faults you have--begin to mend what is broken within your own soul and maybe you will not only let go of your resentment of me but you may just learn how to accept the person you are without judgment. There is no need to compete with another to prove how awesome you want others to think you are...when you truly dig who you are down to the bone, it can be witnessed from the highest mountaintops. There is an undeniable beauty that radiates from those who love the person they carry with them each and every moment...can you have this---absolutely, but you must do the work in order to get there. And you must do the work all on your own.

Stepford Life

***This is something I wrote when I was at a very low point***


I promise I will ignore the disappointment, I will not acknowledge the heartache, I will brave a happy face, I will lose myself in make-believe...this is what our mothers taught us, is it not? Just to put aside our true feelings and become a puppet; a hypocritical pathetic version of who we really are and never allow our true emotions anywhere close to the surface for fear of complete destruction of the facade?

No matter how hard I wish to forget what is broken, I can no longer see the potential that the other side of the looking glass offers. My life; the prospect of having all I desire; my looking glass into a better tomorrow is broken into a million pieces that makes it impossible to witness anything but my disgust at my own reflection built from living a make-believe existence. Understanding how easily I can pretend all is well in my world, I know I am playing the part of a lifetime or at least a role that seems to have lasted a lifetime. I have been living a Stepford Life; I am plastic, simple, agreeable, smooth, and ultimately fake. There is no passion, there is no truth, there is no desire, there is nothing but a barren field void of life and full of despair.

The problem with living this way, playing like my life is so fulfilling and full of everything I have ever desired is the gaping hole within my soul. Living this way leaves me with such a burning loneliness that I can hardly breathe and fight to simply arise to another day of dull. This loneliness might be rectified if I had not presented this pretty package to the world and actually told people the truth--I am miserable--I am completely and undeniably unfulfilled and there is nothing I can do to keep it from continuing--a life that is mediocre and void of love.

My life reflects nothing about my true feelings; what I love; what I enjoy; what makes me smile; what makes me safe; what allows me to take a deep breath and know I am happy...I shut down because I am unable to acknowledge how far off I am from happiness. Knowing I cannot see the truth because it would have catastrophic results, I close my eyes to the world I have allowed to be created. I smile and I agree...I laugh in public and I cry when I am alone. Always knowing deep within that I have no one but myself and my insecurities to blame for this incredibly empty life.

When people tell me I should be grateful, I want to slap them yet I am the one who painted the picture they are commenting on. I should take these types of comments as compliments for the masterpiece of deception I have painted; I am an exceptional deceptor--I have fooled the world. It is not any one's fault that they too cannot see through my looking glass...it is smeared with lies, pretenses, and bullshit.

I do not ask for another to save me from this life--I must do that alone. I do not ask for others to have opinions about my life...I have more than my share of opinions. I do not ask for apologies, for understanding, for love, for friendship--I must remain cognizant of the fact I am the one to blame for the life I have chosen to live. I am the one to blame for living in a world I have created to fool the very people who would help if they had a clue how sad I really am.

I am tired of living this way but even more tired of the hope for a better life only to realize that with each turn I take, I have been thrown too far off course.

Still Life

After taking the road trip from hell, I realized time is precious and balance is essential to remain fulfilled. I thought how much I truly missed writing and making connections with others. For far too long, I have had my hands full with no real time to write for pleasure and I began to understand that I must do the things that I love in conjunction with the things I must do out of responsibility in order to remain healthy spiritually. I haven't had the time or energy for reflection, contemplation, or adjustments and my heart has suffered. My brain has a difficult time shutting down or focusing on one thought for too long and my entire body can do nothing but go for the ride.

We are creatures of habit...we feel safe within our routines and unfortunately that promotes stationery lives. No growth is possible if we do not accept that change is part of that process. We go through the motions, secretly wishing for a different life but never take the first step to obtain it. Deciding to change, to honor our deepest desires is absolutely terrifying but think of the existence you may be signing up for without necessary updates?

My life is completely different than it was a year ago and I hope it will be different still in another year. I do not want guarantees that everything will remain the same because to me, a still life should only be referring to a photograph.


For about a year and a half I have not had the time to sit still and reflect on all that I have doing--all the differences in my life, the achievements, the set-backs, the let-downs, the broken hearts, the victories, the love. I know how imperative it is to remaining sane to inventory the before-mentioned items to gauge where in the world you are at this moment and create an understanding how you got there. The people that I would have thought were going to be surrounding me at this milestone versus the actual ones is surprising. Only some are disappointing and only some are heartbreaking but overall I am grateful for those who have shared in this journey.