Please let us all understand and appreciate how ugly people can be and admit we all hate ugly. Not only does God not like ugly, but it is the uglies that fuck up our days, screw with a well-laid plan, pour battery-acid onto our souls~~this is what we need to protect ourselves from. The ugly mother fuckers in this world make it necessary to put our suit of armor on and prepare for the daily fight to survive; to arrive home after our journey running to the door hoping we make it back unscathed.
One of my favorite lines from a movie is from The Color Purple, when Celie is telling Mister..."Until you do right by me, everything you even think bout is gonna fail". This says it all...you have no right to hurt me, to attempt to destroy me and until you make right the ugliness you brought into my life, you will find no peace.
If all was happy in your world, would you be trying so hard to bring me down? Why you are not happy, why you toss and turn at night were not decisions I made. You are grown, it is time to begin accepting responsibility for your life and stop blaming me for all that has failed you. Deal with your ugly life, your ugly heart and know that the only person that you may point a finger at is the one looking back at ya in the mirror.
I have sat down with my demons...I have reviewed, analyzed, and implemented changes that will never allow me to go down a path again that has the potential to damage my spirit beyond repair. To know I would have gladly given myself to a numbness I may never have recovered from because I had no idea how the hell to get things correct in my head in order to leave makes me want to vomit, to stay single, to never trust myself again in a relationship.
But here the rub~~ then ugly wins. There is not one part of me that will allow that. I am used to struggle, I am used to fighting but no more...not with you. You get nothing from me, none of my energy...you lose and the most pathetic thing is right now you have no idea just what it is that you lost. You lost the most dedicated, loving, loyal person you will ever have the privilege to have met. Your ugliness has destroyed all of that yet it has not covered my soul with bitterness. I love...I laugh...I live...with peace in my heart; without ugly at the controls. Please enjoy the company of ugly, it will be staying for awhile in your world, I gladly return it to you, I have no use for it any longer.
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