Open Doors...

I am sure we can all guess I am not a "glass half-full" type person. I have never been one to be overly optimistic but I am also not the type of person that thinks that every single minute of life sucks or that all that happens in my life is out of my control. There is no wizard behind a curtain controlling every outcome; there is just me, moving along my path at a pace that exhausts me right down to my core.

When I hear people say when one door closes, another opens, my frustration level is off the scales. This view I do not embrace...mainly due to most doors closing have not been in my control--they have not been my decision to make. The other problem I have with this optimistic theory is, well, I am totally aware when a door slams in my life~ I am just not always awake to hear the next door opening. In my opinion, opening doors should have a bell attached so we could prepare for another new opportunity presenting itself.

Sometimes when doors open it feels like "Let's Make a Deal", three doors, three choices, no help with what door you should choose. There have been many times throughout my days that I chose the door with the mule decked out in flowers behind it and regretted choosing curtain # whatever. I am not asking for a magic wand, I do not wish for someone to give me the answers I so desire but just once I would like to know I am headed down the path that was the best choice, the healthiest choice, the one choice that will lead me to whatever will make my life complete.

History has proven I do not go down the path that is easiest. Given the choice, I will chose the door with turmoil, heartbreak, and devastation behind it, every fucking time. I begin not to trust my decisions and become timid...afraid to act at all. I know all about the road less traveled...I understand that much of my life, I have walked through doors that no other would. I have been searching, seeking answers, some form of a life I desire and have failed too many times to grasp.

I guess I should be grateful I am still willing to walk through the open doors, that I am strong enough to close the door behind me and fully embrace what will come next. I should never allow myself to take the easy road; it does not suit me. The easy doors bore me, they are unsatisfying and empty. So, for now, I will leave the easy path for someone else. For today, I will walk through each door like a battering ram, head-strong and fierce. Today, I will walk with my head high through each challenge and I will be better because of it.