There has been so many times that I have found myself saying, "That's it, I've got nothing left...I'm done" only to prove I have no fucking idea what I am talking about. I guess I should have said that I wish the drama life throws me would be done...that smooth sailing will replace driving the windy road, full of potholes, on a dark night with no headlights. I think I can safely speak for every single person breathing that we all want to get off that road, get on the sailboat, and plot a course for happier times.
When we think we have nothing left, we become fierce. We may lie in bed for days, we may go out and drink, we may scream but we still do something more. We still want more from our lives and keep breathing just in case that something better is right around the corner. I hear people say all the time, God gives us only what we can handle and I could just slap somebody. Don't you think that may be in direct conflict with His love for us? Do you not think that God would not give us anything that we should view as "being handled"? I think He wants to show you the beautiful, strong survivor you are and He understands far too well that we require proof of such compliments.
My life, especially the past year, has seen way too many battles. These struggles have exhausted me down to the bone but here's the thing...I am still fucking here, fighting my way to a better, more fulfilling life. In my opinion, God is proud that I keep fighting, not willing to give up, and that I continue to grow into an amazing woman with every ugly situation I survive. I think He wants us to understand that the world is full of such beauty and such ugliness which we will all experience but that is what His intention was from the beginning. The real test, the thing that counts, should be how we walk through those challenges and what we have left when we are done.
Take a breath...believe in your amazing ability to survive it all. But do more than just survive...fight like a demon for a life that is better, more joyous, and absolutely more rewarding. Fight to keep your strength, your grace, your mind intact and you will find amazing rewards...right around the corner.
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