A Brutal, Beautiful Learning Adventure

The past 12 months has been absolutely insane. I fell into a life that at times I look at from a distance and think, "Who the hell is that??" I have been on a journey that has been both beautiful and brutal. When it comes right down to it, I am so thankful that the amazing parts have been tempered with ugliness because it makes it real for me.

I found the strength to spread my wings, to run into the fire, to reach out, to seek, to smile, to cry, to laugh; to live. It is not always pretty, actually, it is messy, and turbulent, and intense. I no longer try to wrap my life in a pretty package so my heartbreak is hidden. I no longer care to hide the human part of myself. I embrace the crazy, I embrace the emotion, the joy, the sorrow, the anger, the pride I have felt for myself. What a difference a year can make!

I am not asking or expecting one person to like me, my tactics, my insanity...I no longer care to seek out acceptance from people I do not respect. Ultimately, the only person who has an opinion I care to know is my own. Have I been a person of substance? Did I make a positive impact on another person? Did I stay true to who I am? Did I honor my commitment to living a life I am proud of?

Absolutely...as much turmoil that this has created, I am still fighting. When you have intensity, people will line up just to take their shots at destroying you. They see your light and are willing to do just about anything to snuff it out. What has dawned on me...nothing pisses people off more when they are unsuccessful at killing your spirit. It drives them crazy and I have now learned to watch as they attempt to inflict pain and just smile. They are banging their heads against the wall and gaining no ground on their quest.

People that are worthless, that deserve nothing more than my contempt, who try like mad to hurt me are a dime a dozen. Karma has taken hold of their lives and everything in their world is a broken-down mess. Their ignorance and hatefullness has ruled their lives for far too long and now the ugly has taken over. The beauty of this, they did it to themselves yet have a list as long as their arms of who they blame. I had nothing to do with them destroying their own happiness...I just sat and observed.

So, to these individuals that are determined to kill my spirit, to further damage my soul, to break my broken heart, my question...Let me know how that has worked for you. How is your life going so far? You happy, content, proud...are you enjoying life and how you live it? These questions I need not know the answer to...I think we can all guess that even if they answered it would not be truthful. But what I can guarantee, what I know with every fiber is that when they are alone in their dark world, the answers make them ache to be better, to be a person that has grace, to possess a light others are drawn to.

In my very grown-up way I think...SUCKS FOR THEM! No one likes ugly, not even the person who creates it!