By any means necessary...

What kind of animal are you~what animal do you think would represent you? I was asked this question in one of my college courses and I said immediately I was a panther. My justification or explanation for this...I am beautiful, powerful, intense, people want to own me, to feel my beauty, but they need to take heed because I will turn on them when I am feeling threatened. I will attack and fight to the death if backed in a corner. I will be more beautiful if not caged and if treated with respect, honor, and a healthy dose of trepidation, I may just allow you near me, to feel my silky fur on your skin.

I am and always have been a fierce competitor. I will fight to the end and I view everything in my life as a competition. I was raised always being compared to my siblings, having to fight with them to win whatever competition my mother felt necessary at the time. I am no cheater but I will utilize every weapon at my disposal to come out victorious. I am a gladiator, I believe every battle is a fight to the death and I would rather see my opponent destroyed than for me to be the one who is defeated.

With this being said, I fight to win and most of the time, I fight to my detriment. I have the power to destroy people, their spirit--mortally wound them. However, most of the time, I will walk away, with their blood in my mouth, feeling as though I needlessly took it to a level I am not proud of. Logically, I know that their actions, why I needed to fight in the first place, will shed light on their inadequacies; that in the recesses of their mind they fully understand just how bad their transgressions against me were.

I am tired of fighting yet I am more exhausted over the need to fight. I wish that people would be honest, communicate what it is they want, need, what their motives are so I would not have to try and figure it out. When left to chew on something, I will become creative as to the reasons someone is behaving the way they are and I become the panther, pacing, waiting for a sign I need to attack. Be honest about your intentions...even saying you are not sure what they are is better than blowing sunshine up my ass and having me wish to destroy you later when the realization I am going to get hurt dawns on me. Do not play with a panther, she will protect herself to the death. She will fight to keep her world intact, her sanity protected. It is what she has been taught to do...it is the very essence of who she is...it is in her nature to protect herself~by any means necessary.