When I think of what I do for a living, I just burst with pride. I never thought I would come across a career that totally jazzes me. Currently I teach a self-contained classroom with students that have signifcant disabilities. Each student is amazing, beautiful, joyous, sincere, and I cannot help but to feel thankful they are a part of my life.
Saying these kids have challenges is like saying Vegas gets hot in the summer. It runs so much deeper than that. I teach at a Title-1 school that brings its own set of challenges. Most of the schools population live in significant poverty. The economy has wrecked so many things but these kids have seen the worst of it. Parents stressed out, making very bad decisions, going to jail and the kids suffer tremendous loss. They have seen death, destruction, poverty, starvation, and abuse at the hands of the people that should love and protect them.
Yesterday, I had a student lose it. She has been hanging on by a thread and yesterday was her breaking point. I could hug her, tell her I adore her, but ultimately I had to send her back home. This child, a 4th grader, seems so grown up that I think people tend to forget she is just that...a child. She wants to be grown, she wants to hang with the adults and I see so much of me in her that every fiber of my being aches. When I attempted to seek advice from a veteran teacher, I was made-fun of, treated like an idiot, and I got real fucking angry.
Here's the thing...yes, I am paid to do a job. However, no one realizes what the job entails. Even the people that work with children don't seem to get the point. I am a teacher, absolutely, I am a counselor, I am a social worker, I am a nurse, I am a therapst, I am a friend, a mother and as such I have an enormous responsibility to ensure the safety and well-being of my students.
The children I encounter every day have seen this world at its worst. They have seen, been victim to such brutality that for them to be open to love anyone is simply amazing. They love me in such a way that defys my brain from comprehening it. Each and every day they get up and come to school to feel safe and seek refuge from their life at home. You better believe I will create that safe haven for them, create a loving and nurturing environment that allows them to be, of all things, children.
I would not consider myself a touchy, huggy person. Actually, I really dislike people touching me. I don't give hugs, I am not overly affectionate but these kids don't care. I have kids hugging me all day, telling me I am the best teacher, telling me they love me. I walk through the halls and I have a posse of kids holding onto my hands, arms, clothing just to be near Ms. Jay. My kids make me feel like a rock star every day, I have an obligation to make them feel just as awesome. I have had strangers and parents tell me just how much they appreciate me and that I deserve the Teacher-of-the-Year award; now I don't know about any award, it is not the reason I go to work everyday.
To be told I am a bleeding heart like it is a disease is fucking ridiculous. I may be new at this job but never, and I mean never, will I treat a child's suffering like it was their fault, or that if I ignore it, it will somehow fix itself. I ask myself...if not you, then who? It puts life immediately into perspective.
Do I love my job, more than words can express. Do I hate the stupid, insensitive adults I must work with, absolutely!! The day I become a bitter, ugly, dispicable human being is the day I need to walk away from teaching. Until then, I will bleed from all over my being, feel my children's pain, and do my best to love the unlovables. If you take issue with this, please seek guidance from God. I'm sure He would love to know your views on kids with disabilities, kids that are abused, kids that are hungry, kids that are homeless...the list can just go on and on. I'm sure He would love to question why you stay in teaching and feel little responsibility to those you teach. To the people I work with that do not like me or my methods I ask you this...do you not like me because I prove to you, day in--day out that your hardened heart and bitterness is not the way. Do I show you that love and sincerity is a more valuable and effective tool than judgement? Please step aside, go find a job where futures do not depend on you, and stop being part of the problem!
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