What amazes me is that most of the people I know are going through some transition in their life currently. My sister and I joke about something being in the air but really, I am not sure what's going on. We are all train-wrecked by our lives, the people in them, and our lack of action to make a life we wish to live.
I want to have passion in my life. I want to honestly live my life in such a way that makes me look forward to getting up each day. I don't want to drag myself throughout my days...no, that is certainly not appealing. I want to laugh til I cry each day, I want to feel undeniable love from another everytime i need to. I cannot accept complacentcy--I will not allow myself to be numb to my life.
Granted, I have caused much of the pain in my life but I take responsibility for it and try to do better the next time out. I enjoy who I am, have fun with being crazy, but it makes for a lonely life when you are closed to people sharing the beauty that you keeped locked up and protected. Thinking you are safe when you only allow people to scratch the surface of who you are is not the answer either. This defensive strategy is so deeply ingrained in who I am, I have little faith that I can change it. And fear it will destroy possibilites of future beauty entering my life.
Balls out; there is no other way to be. Understanding the person you are is necessary to becoming the person you wish to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment