There comes a point in a person's life that you need to evaluate and visit all of the deep-dark places in your soul. I am a bit too comfortable with being in that darkness and have gotten to know myself, my demons, my fears all too well. It hurts me when I see someone I love going through this process because I know just how painful it can be and just how dark your outlook on your life can get.
However, we have a way of beating ourselves down like no one else would ever dream of doing and the funny thing is that we would not allow such abuse from anyone but ourselves. We must keep things in perspective--as bad as we think we are or look or how crazy we seem, most of the people who truly love you do not see it the same way. They have a completely different picture of what and who you are. To find balance between how you view yourself and how the world sees you is essential to surviving the pain we inflict on our souls. To accomplish this, unfortunately, you must seek it out. You must open your wounded soul and let the world in.
Forever and a day I have believed that seeking out help from people in my life was a sign of weakness. Sitting in silence, watching the world go by, thinking every other person was happier, prettier, saner could have put me right in the grave. I would have never understood that the very same people that I should have rallied around felt the exactly the same way about themselves at one point in their lives; never good enough, never gonna be happy, never going to see my dreams realized.
Paint a picture of yourself; actually take out paper and pen...create a picture representing how you see yourself on the outside(physical being) and who you are on the inside. Dont forget to include your spirit, your heart, and your soul within this picture. Then walk away...let the reality of those pictures just sit for a moment on your mind. Then ask each person you trust to paint their picture of how they view you, both on the outside and the inside. Hang them all up and seriously and honestly look at these pictures. I guarantee that they will look vastly different.
Shake your head, stare in disbelief, think your friends are fucking blind...but really see what they have created to represent you. Yeah, you might think, I don't give a fuck what people think about me...it's not about that! What it is about, what you may learn is that we will be as hurtful to ourselves without giving self-abuse a second thought and quite possibly, we have created our pictures with a jaded vision we do not deserve.
I am an extremely spiritual person but the thought of being punished for mistakes I have made is a big problem with me. If you believe in God, then you must understand He would not want us to abuse ourselves in such a way that we become so broken we can no longer survive this world.
You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are who you were meant to be. Stop wishing you were born taller, skinnier, with prettier teeth. So what if you are jiggly in places that defy reason, so what if you have a wrinkle here or there or all over for that matter. No one escapes time, no one escapes their own critiques. We all have a wish list of what we think we should be. Here's the rub, the person sitting right next to you, the one who seems to have the world by the balls, yeah--they are a trainwreck too.
Don't get it twisted...we all have scars, we all have fallen down. Let the people in your life pick you up when you fall...getting up all on your own is getting more difficult as we get older because we are tired of never being good enough, never becoming who we thought we would...embrace who you are now...leave the wish list at the door because it is just one more thing we can use to beat the shit out of ourselves.
It's time to love yourself more, to stop carrying around baggage that will never be fixed, to honor yourself, to find beauty in who and what you are. Our scars give us character, it makes us human.
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