Falling in love...

So I am beginning to ask myself a few questions...

Do you love who you are? Do you appreciate the person you have become? Do you enjoy your own companionship? Do you understand that even with all the flaws, scars, bruises, broken hearts, battered brain cells, you are beautiful?

Everything we do, everything we are should be accepted, embraced, and enjoyed. If we didn't have the crazy parts, we would not be able to appreciate the quiet times.

I have to battle each and every day to feel love for who I am and what I have become. I wake up each day determined to be happy, to make the people around me smile and bring joy into my life. I am not always successful but I honestly make an effort every day. When I am down, when I am angry, disappointed, frustrated, I will seek refuge in a place all to myself. I do not wish to be a negative force in other people's lives.

I feel as though many people in my life think I cannot be hurt, cannot be damaged by their actions, words, or lack of action. Sometimes I want to scream, I'm human. I bleed just as you do. Being misunderstood has been a common theme throughout my life. I use humor to protect myself, I use anger to warn individuals that I will fight back. Above all else, I will protect who I am, whatever is left, to the death.

In high school, when I seemed so confident, I kept hearing my mother's words of never being good enough, never being smart enough, never being pretty enough, skinny enough...I carried that baggage around for far too long. One day, I realized, they were not my bags...I dropped them at the door.

In my adult life, I have been told many of the same things...never being good enough, never making the right decisions, always being judged. Lord, I am so tired of people trying to kill my spirit. Again, I realized that much of the bags I carried were not my own and left them at the door.

So, for today, I make a promise to myself...You will be happy. You will enjoy the person that you are. You will stop using the words of others to cut yourself to the core. You will no longer bleed for another person that wishes to destroy you. You will be true to your dreams, aspirations, and creativity. You will fall in love each day with the person you have always had within your soul.